i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
