I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
