He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My cat gives me a boner
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
