So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize