I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
