Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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