i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
