I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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