I will die if light touches me.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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