see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
