Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
