that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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