Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize