what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
