what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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