I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
