i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
