and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize