Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
