he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
