I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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