I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
