but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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