The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
