Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
