I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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