sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize