so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
