My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she woke up with a sticky ear
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
