Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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