I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
