brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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