sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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