Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
