on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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