I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
