My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
