dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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