Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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