Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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