well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
