That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
