I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
