one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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