Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
