If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
