it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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