is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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