honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize