TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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