i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
