When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She bit a glass in half.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
