I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
