WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
