I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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