We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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