If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
