You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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