You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
