Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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