Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
