What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
