I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
