listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize