Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize