i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
