I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
