I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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