i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
