i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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