Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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