i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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