ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
