What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
