I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
