This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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