look no pants
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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