saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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