my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
