Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
