I think im going to throw up on grandma
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize