I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
