When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
