Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
