Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
