Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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