it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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