Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
