shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
