dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
