Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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