He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
