i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
