eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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