His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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