I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
