I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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