Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
