this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
