I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
a search helicopter?!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize